Hello house, good afternoon.
I have a real concern and I want to know what is permissible from mature and discerning individuals in the house.
Myself and my siblings were raised (from when I was about 8 years old) single handedly by my mum. Even all the 7 years that my father lived with us, my mum chiefly ran the home… she was the one who paid rent and school fees and ensured quality feeding.
Father was gainfully employed at the time, but he just lacked a sense of responsibility for family. He finally absconded at about the time I was 8 because he lost his job, and never looked back… he was never involved in our finances or welfare. In all those years, he visited a few times, but that was all. My mum passed on a few years ago and her brother, my uncle, assumed FULL responsibility for my siblings and I. My paternal uncles never lent a helping hand.
Now I’m in my 20s, done with schooling, working currently, and would be getting married soon. I want to know what is permissible. I’m from a minority tribe in Edo State, so I’m not Bini or Esan. My maternal family are Okpe (Urhobos). Left to me, I don’t want my father collecting my bride price or walking me down the aisle. He now lives in squalor in the village. I don’t want to go to the village to do my traditional wedding if I can help it.
Two years ago when I first had plans of getting married, my maternal uncle who’s responsible for us had mentioned that I shouldn’t take any man to my dad. My maternal family is angry with him, for what he did to my mum and us. I would love to respect my Uncle’s wishes because I feel he has a say, and to show my appreciation for all he’s done.
Has it ever happened that a girl’s maternal family receives her bride price? Is it a taboo? If that’s against tradition, is it possible to choose another location other than the village, where my dad and his kinsmen can perform the traditional rites?
Also, on my church wedding day, can my Uncle walk me down the aisle?
N:B I don’t hold any grudges against father. I’ve been the only one amongst all my siblings who’s tried to keep in touch with him. I was the one who personally went to seek him out to know where he lives… and to know my village. Whenever I can afford to, I send him money.
Still, I don’t feel he deserves to give my hand in marriage. He’s never been a dad, in the true sense of the word. Something happened not so long ago, and he was threatening to curse my brothers… for not looking after him. He acts really entitled.
Candid advice, please. Thank you.
I Will Be In The Comment Section.